Jon Stewart takes aim at a recent comment Dick Cheney made about President Obama’s executive order to shut down the prison at Guantanamo Bay, and refutes Cheney’s claims with some spot on counter questions. Watch it.
All episodes of the Daily Show can be fully watched online.
I know it’s pathetic to rumble about social network sites on my blog, but I never waver in front of my own stupidity. He.
This time, the target for my rant is StudiVZ, a social network site which is a combination of MySpace and (especially) Facebook. As it is in German, it might also feature David Hasselhoff, I don’t know. It certainly would explain some of its popularity, for Germans love David Hasselhoff.
Being the open minded grumpy old cynic I am, I visited their site today to learn more about the many exciting new ways to improve my social life. Below are some of their most convincing arguments, which I’ve freely translated to English. As a reference, the excerpts are taken from their self-advertising page “was bringt mir das” (what’s in it for me).
So, StudiVZ, tell me, why shoulda, coulda, woulda I join thy?
* Who knows whom, through whom, and who are the people you usually just know by sight?
Who know’s whom? Fantastic, I always wanted to crack Dunbar’s number.
* Who’s that cool guy in the second row of the auditorium?
Who’s that cool guy? Well, if my past encounters with other humans are any indication, he’s probably able to speak, in case you’d like to know.
Of course, you could also stalk him online until you’ve finally know enough about him to impress him with your vast knowledge about his life! On a second thought, that actually could work.
* Does my flatmate know him?
Well, if you care to know, there’s always the old fashioned way of doing that. Just drop your flatmate an e-mail.
* (Make) new acquaintances in the cafeteria, but without the obligatory exchange of numbers. First and last name are enough to find each other - if one wants. Staying in contact made easy.
Well, that’s quite practical, isn’t it? Just speaking for myself, there are hundreds of people I’d like to know better but don’t because I can’t get over the hurdle of writing down their phone numbers or e-mail addresses.
* Who’s interested in quantum mechanics as well?
The revenge of the nerds is upon us!
* Who are the friends of my best friend at his new university, and why?
Who are the friends of my best friend? Huh, feeling jealous, do we?
Still, this might be a new business venture for StudiVZ. They really should add a service to implement your best friend a GPS sensor to track him. That way, you can know everything about your best friend. Because surely, trusting someone as important as your best friend is way too risky. Of course, some might call it a break of privacy. I call it diversification of assets.
As for the why, maybe he got sick of having such good, intruding friends?
* Build New Crowds
I think this is the essence of my dislike for their site. That’s meant as an advertisement, but it makes me shiver. Although, I guess that’s the reason they didn’t call themselves an antisocial network site.
* Gossip and Chit-Chat
Hey, let’s build a crowd (see above) and see what happens. Answer: Gossip. Lots of it. But please, I thought online communities were meant as an escape from real life?
* What’s Thomas’ favourite website?
I’m sorry to say this, but it’s very likely that Thomas’ favourite website is a porn site. You do not want to see this.
* Did he already upload the newest pictures from the last party at his flat?
Photographic evidence of drunkards. Great, that will really impress the HR manager at your next job interview.
* How does it come Patrick knows Melanie?
Ugh, from stalking each other online, maybe?
* What does Daniel write about himself?
Reading one’s online profile strikes me as a perfectly reasonable way of getting to know each other deeply.
Too bad Daniel forgot to delete Flashdance from the standard I’m-a-sensitive-and-romantic-guy template. With such a favourite movie, friendship will never work. Next.
I guess I can’t end this rant without quoting one of my favourite authors, Douglas Coupland:
I remember in the 80s when cellphones first started to pop. I remember how, if you saw someone using a cellphone on a street, you immediately thought they were an asshole: gee, my phone call is so important I have to make it right here and right now! Twenty years later, we’re all assholes. We’re assholes at the supermarket’s meat counter at 5:30pm, phoning home to ask if we need prosciutto; we’re assholes driving in traffic; and we’re assholes wandering down the streets. And with cellphones and handhelds, we collapse time and space and our perception of distance and intimacy. [Emphasis added]
Well said. ’nuff said.
This blog needs a ’sarcastic’ tag.
In a time when* religion has long ceased to guide our lives and provide our answers; in a time when common sense is overturned by our instant attention span and distracted by short YouTube clips; in such times it is good to know that at least science still enlightens us.
For what caused great stir over centuries and was unbeknownst to mankind is now scientifically proven: Guys are clueless:
More often than not, guys interpret even friendly cues, such as a subtle smile from a gal, as a sexual come-on, and a new study discovers why: Guys are clueless.
More precisely, they are somewhat oblivious to the emotional subtleties of non-verbal cues, according to a new study of college students.
Well, so far, this doesn’t damage any grunting-macho stereotype (or self-image, for that matter), but there’s more:
Some might think the results come down to “boys being boys,” and so even the slightest female interest sparks sexual fantasy. But the study, to be detailed in the April issue of the journal Psychological Science, also found that it goes both ways for guys — they mistake females’ sexual signals as friendly ones. The researchers suggest guys have trouble noticing and interpreting the subtleties of non-verbal cues, in either direction.
Well, good to know. Please accept my apology for all my mishaps; past, present and future. And thank you, modern science, for my salvation…
————–
* As a non-native speaker of English, could someone enlighten me whether in a time when or in a time where is correct? Google finds 221′000 results using where, and only 139′000 for when. However, as it is obviously a reference to time and not to a place, I decided to go with in a time when. But don’t point at me, I’m clueless anyway.
My dear friends, we may observe the rise of a new empire:
I don’t know what’s more hilarious - that some clueless infantry soldiers (they probably don’t have any maps, or GPS equipment) trod on Lichtenstein land by accident, or that this gets such a headline.
In any case, it’s hilarious. I wonder what’s next? An anonymous source closely related to some uber-secret ministry passed me some secret information, and thus I’m able to foresee the future development of this international crisis:
March 2, 2007: Swiss accidentally invade Liechtenstein
March 3, 2007: Swiss invades Liechtenstein, this time for real.
March 4: 2007: Invasion fails because troops laugh at order, madly throw themselves to the ground.
March 4, 2007: Swiss invades Liechtenstein, yet again.
March 5, 2007: Federal government publishes press release, says it really totally invaded Liechtenstein, why does no one believe them?
March 10, 2007: Federal employees have to work overtime because of invasion, call for change.
March 11, 2007: Federal minister has enough of his employees, wants to abandon democracy in favour of authoritarian regime.
March 12, 2007: Resolution to hand over power to new authoritarian regime fails to reach necessary number of votes.
March 12, 2007: Would-be authoritarian president cries, feels alone.
March 13, 2007: Gets a newly created, well-paid job in the private sector.
March 13, 2017: Almost-was authoritarian president makes home story, appears on odd TV shows.
March 20, 2007: Liechtenstein revolts!! (Haha, just joking)
March 22, 2007: United States, United Nations, unitedly condemn Switzerland for its action.
March 23, 2007: All other countries and organisation with the name United feel they must follow suit; United Arab Emirates, United Airlines and Manchester United all condemn Switzerland.
March 24, 2007: Worldwide prohibition of Swiss Army knives, watches.
March 27, 2007: Switzerland calls action pre-emptive, asks others to join them in their just fight.
March 28, 2007: Andorra threatens France, France surrenders.
March 29, 2007: Cyprus threatens United States, United States cannot located such a country on their maps, doesn’t believe it exists.
April 2, 2007: Swiss and its two allies demand United States, United Nations to lift sanctions.
April 3, 2007: Rest of the world busy talking about Britney Spears’ new hair style, reading e-mails about Viagra pills with - get this - free shipment!
April 4, 2007: Switzerland freezes all bank accounts of foreigners. All sanctions lifted immediately.
April 10, 2007: Swiss Army runs out of chocolate, abandons Liechtenstein.
April 11, 2007: Nobody cares.
Lottery is a pretty hopeless fight against probability. Yet the dream of becoming instantly rich seems to be rather appealing, given the many players lottery enjoys.
Some weeks earlier, as the jackpot was unusual high, my dad decided to play the EuroMillions lottery, using numbers from ever family member. A few days later, he expressed his anger at me for choosing the wrong numbers. Of course, I was rather puzzled, so he further explained what had happened:
The actual numbers were: 09 20 38 43 11
The numbers I had chosen: 08 19 37 42 31
(Almost) Four out of five, not that bad! To put things into perspective, even in the unlikely event of me magically changing all numbers by the factor one, the actual payout would have been small. The EuroMillions consist of two draws, numbers and starts, and since I didn’t chose the right stars (and was off by a factor greater than one, hehe), the prize would have been CHF 215 (approx. 176 USD).
Anyway, should the proverb unlucky at cards, lucky in love be true, some ungained CHF 215 wouldn’t be such a bad deal =:->
Football (soccer) madness
Ahh… the FIFA World Cup 2006 is coming closer. I can already feel it.
I like playing soccer, and enjoy watching good matches, but sometimes it gets a bit too far. Don’t get me started on hooligans and racist chants, let’s just stay in the field of ‘normal’ soccer, and leave out the fact that it’s unbelievable how much clubs pay (1 GBP = 1.87 USD / 1.45 EUR) for their players anyway. I’m speaking of the unconditional loyalty of some fans for their clubs. Encouraging a team is fine, especially when it plays well. But making a matter of live and death out of it isn’t. Nor is it fair to boo the players of the other team, or the referee.
To be honest, being in a soccer stadium always freaks me out. There’s this huge mass, dressed and behaving so as to express affiliation to a certain team. And then everyone starts to chant rhythmically, the individual disappearing and merging with the mass for a Mexican wave (No, this has nothing to do with immigrants, period! In German, it’s called ‘La-Ola-Welle’, btw) or some other kind of mass activity. It’s of course not fascism, but as I’m reading ‘Escape from Freedom‘ by Erich Fromm at the moment, I can’t help but notice the similarity between the mechanisms at work.
Fitting to that picture (taken literally from the German ‘ins Bild passen’ [to fit in]) are the messages displayed on the team buses. ‘Bound for glory’, ‘With fire in our hearts’, ‘One Nation’, ‘With a flag in the window’, come on, my heart is bleeding. At least Serbia and Montenegro has a decent one: ‘For the love of the game’.
Of course, the fight against terrorism doesn’t stop short of soccer. And so the United States of America’s (read more about that special country) soccer team has put the slogan ‘United we play, united we win’ on their team bus, but, over security concerns, refrain from displaying a flag on it. Culture of fear, anyone?
On Supply and Demand
The mechanism of supply and demand is easy to understand. Applied to shadow markets, even absurd news (in German; from Google cache) make somewhat sense.
Note: That was the only website I’ve found. My original source for that story is a Swiss radio station. For all you no German speaking folks out there (I’ve heard some rumours): In Italy, olive trees get stolen and are then sold for up to 10′000 EUR (approx. 13,000 USD) each, probably on the olive tree black market…
Sigh. I’ve come very close to finishing my website. Really close. But then I went on to tweak the navigation of the photo album a little… and alas, the navigation got all messed up. As this week gets more stressful from tomorrow on, this effectively postpones everything for at least one week. Not to mention the loss of motivation. Sigh.
Oh Well. I had to write a composition/paper in my German classes on Saturday. It’s been my first since almost four years. I had a brilliant idea. Or so I like to think; my text is an analysis of Galileo Galilei’s character from Bertold Brecht’s play ‘Life of Galileo‘ when transferred to the world of Friedrich Dürrenmatt’s ‘Der Besuch der alten Dame’ (The Visit). It exposes how Galilei would have behaved in a situation as presented in Dürrenmatt’s play, and how his presence would have influenced the dynamics of the town. Unfortunately, two lessons (à 45 minutes each) weren’t enough to write everything down as planned. Thus I had to kill off some plot ideas and scenes and put the story to an end rather abruptly. Reading through it today (I wrote it on my laptop), I’ve noticed many spelling mistakes, too. I totally forgot my installation of OpenOffice only has an English spell checker. Oh well.
Ha! But since I like the idea so much, I’m going to finish the play (yep, I wrote my paper in the style of a theatrical play) nevertheless, in a version true to my vision of it. Ha!
Haha. Did you know thahahat on Monday was thehehe World Laughter Day? The Wihihipedia has a long entry in German, so I guess the shorter one means the Englisheesh weren’t that amused. I meant to visit the Lachparade (laughter parade) in Zurich and take some pictures, but in the end, soccer with Patrick won. I hope everyone had a funny time nonetheless. Did you smile yesterday? I hohohope so! That said, a) laughing is fun, b) I don’t need a special day to laugh, and c) I find people who laugh permanently for no reason slightly awkwarding. Hahaha.
